God wants you to know that...

that every relationship rests on three legs: accepting, supporting and challenging. That's really it, isn't it? You want your relationships to be grounded on accepting each other as you are. On supporting each other through the inevitable ups and downs. On challengi...ng each other to become more, to grow, to flourish. Which one of these is the more difficult one for you, and how are you going to practice it in the next 24 hours?

6 habits that keep couples happy

By Kimberly Dawn Neumann

How is it that some couples seem to stay starry-eyed for years, and others let their sizzle, um… fizzle? Well, it appears that successful chemistry sustainers develop healthy coupled-up habits which allow them to keep their love alive and kicking. “People can have a lot of trouble staying close,” says Joyce Catlett, coauthor of Fear of Intimacy. “They get into relationships and think they’re automatically going to know how to make everything work, but figuring out how to stay passionate together is really a skill.” Luckily, they’re skills that anyone can learn. Here are six habits that you’d do well to adopt if you want your date to become your happily-ever-after mate.

Habit #1: Catch romance where you can
“You may start out with chocolates and roses, but the likelihood of being able to sustain that feeling with a busy schedule is pretty unlikely,” says JoAnn Magdoff, Ph.D., a New York City-based psychotherapist. Successful couples learn to build a bubble of romance at unexpected times — during their daily commute, while doing laundry — and in low-impact ways, whether that be a long, lingering smooch or just holding hands. In other words, the next time you hear yourself say “Oh, look, we’ve got 15 minutes to ourselves,” make use of it — that’s what keeps the spark alive


Habit #2: Fight fair
Believe it or not, learning to fight right is an important part of keeping chemistry alive. Why? Because if you are constantly cutting each other down, it’s hard to feel mutually amorous. “There is no such thing as a relationship without disagreements,” says David Wygant, author of Always Talk to Strangers. “But if there is an understanding that your partner can come to you with any dissension without being attacked, you will have an honest relationship comprised of ‘open discussions’ rather than ‘fights.’” Debra Tobias, who has been happily married for almost 10 years to her husband Steve, agrees. “Steve and I have learned to listen to each other when we’re upset and we admit when we’re wrong,” says Tobias. “We also make a rule of never, ever saying ‘I told you so’ no matter how much we might want to say it.” The result is that their chemistry doesn’t wane because they never let their arguments escalate to a personal level. Focus on the issue at hand instead of throwing verbal punches.

Habit #3: Nurture your separate selves
Going off to your book club when your sweetie’s out golfing isn’t a sign you two are drifting apart. On the contrary, developing individual interests allows for a richer life as a couple. By taking little “couple breaks,” you gain a greater appreciation of the gifts your partner brings to your life and you have more to offer as well. “It’s very attractive to be independent sometimes,” says Magdoff. “You feel better about yourself and you’re less demanding of your partner when you’re together.” After all, taking some personal responsibility for your own well-being relieves the other person of the pressure to “provide” happiness — so go ahead and nurture some solo adventures. That’ll also keep each of you stocked with plenty of adventures to chat about, which also builds your bond.

Habit #4: Take on a project together
Separate interests aside, exploring new ground together is also important since it strengthens your history of shared experiences. Jo Smith and her husband of four years found this out when they committed to running their first 10K together. “We were training together, carbo-loading and hydrating together, running the race together and ultimately succeeding together when we both finished,” says Smith. “It brought a whole new level of closeness to our relationship because of the time we spent learning as a duo during this endeavor.” Couples who take on adventures together get a sense of daring and accomplishment that can really kick up their chemistry!

Habit #5: Don’t let your physical attraction for each other dwindle
No doubt about it, couples with healthy libidos have no problem keeping chemistry cooking. (That whole “couples’ desire for each other naturally fades over time” excuse? Not true.) The trick to injecting more electricity into a lagging love life has to do with trying new things — sure, it can be easy to work on tricks and techniques when you first meet, but people’s preferences can, and do, change over time. “In interviewing people on the topic of physical intimacy, it became clear that the couples who were the most satisfied were also the ones who were open to some experimentation,” says Catlett. This isn’t to say you suddenly have to become a wild thing, though. Even returning to the basics you may have abandoned along the way — lots of kissing and eye contact, for example — can make the usual encounter feel very different… and much more intimate.

Habit #6: Engage in some mutual admiration
In order for chemistry between two people to thrive, there needs to be mutual respect. “It’s about putting yourself in the role of an observer of your partner,” says Magdoff. “Watch them ‘perform’ — I’m not saying they need to do a song and dance for you — just pay attention to the everyday things that remind you why you find them so special.” Then, make it a point to lob compliments their way. “A good exercise is to occasionally create a mental list of the qualities you dig about your partner, and to occasionally share one of your thoughts with the one you love,” says Wygant. Because the reality is, you’ll always want to be around someone who thinks you’re fantastic.

Kimberly Dawn Neumann is a New York City-based writer whose work has appeared in such publications as Cosmopolitan, Redbook, and Fitness.

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Natural solutions to keep white sheets white

Of the many lessons gleaned from watching the Novogratz family in our home tour with the upcoming stars of Bravo series “9 by design”, one of the most interesting was that mom Cortney, despite juggling a rowdy clan of seven kids, swears by all-white bedding. Paradoxically, she says they’re the easiest to clean, simply by tossing them in the laundry with a bit of bleach. I too love an all-white bed though I rarely bleach my sheets, for fear of the chemicals weakening the fabric. I found a couple natural alternatives to bleach that work well though:


Lemon juice. It’s amazing how many things you can clean with lemon, white sheets among them. Add a quarter cup of lemon juice to your wash cycle with warm water—it really helps brighten your linens.

Mrs. Stewart’s Bluing. This stuff dates back to the 1800’s, which is kind of mind-blowing. It’s a non-toxic, biodegradable blue dye (all you need do is sprinkle a couple drops to your laundry load) that actually serves to make your whites look whiter.

* No matter which whitening method you prefer, resist the temptation to try them all at once, or risk getting some weird chemical reaction that ends up staining your bedding.

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How to wash down pillows

I'm in spring cleaning mode, and one of the things I'm doing as part of the process is laundering my down pillows. It's an easy enough ritual, and should be embarked upon annually to keep them fresh (though washing them any more than that can actually shorten their lifespan). You can do it right at home with your own washing machine, but it's a little bit more labor intensive than taking care of a regular load of clothes. Check out step-by-step instructions after the jump.

1. Inspect the fabric for any tears or rips—the last thing you want is a bunch of loose feathers clogging up your machine.
2. Treat any spots with your usual stain remover.
3. To keep things balanced, wash pillows two at a time. Use the delicate setting, with cold water and a small amount of mild detergent.
4. Give them a second rinse in the machine to make sure they're spic-and-span.
5. Gently wring out any excess water.
6. Put them in the dryer with a couple clean tennis balls (some people recommend using clean tennis shoes instead, though personally I'm wary of sneakers touching my pillows, even "clean" ones), which help them get nice and fluffy, and set the dryer on low heat.
7. Check on the pillows periodically and fluff them up with your hands, using your fingers to break up any clusters of feathers. Be prepared to wait—they can take a couple hours to dry.

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How often do you change your sheets?

This morning as I was stripping my bed to do a load of laundry I realized it had been a full two weeks since I’d last washed them—which had me wondering if there were adverse side effects to changing them at that rate. This also got me curious as to whether or not, relative to the rest of you out there, washing sheets every two weeks is considered slacking or standard.


According to examiner.com and ehow.com, the scientific consensus is it’s best to wash sheets weekly to ward of dust mites. Icky as it is to think about, we’re all shedding skin cells while in bed—which is apparently dust mites’ favorite snack food. Laundering bedding once every week, in hot water, helps avoid allergy issues.

Washing sheets every week is a fair amount of work though, especially once you start counting multiple beds/family members, so it’s no wonder a poll on AOL Health last year showed that only 40% of Americans are washing their bedding weekly, which makes me feel slightly better about my own every-other-week habit. What about you: how often do you change your sheets?

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6 habits that keep couples happy

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Sanitize your linens—and fight off a cold

We’re just at the beginning of cold and flu season, and now’s the time to put a little extra thought and effort into minimizing sickness-inducing germs and bacteria from spreading among your family members and throughout your home. And one of the simplest and most straightforward ways to do this is by keeping your linens spic-and-span.


Though how often you wash your sheets is clearly a personal decision, there are scientific arguments for washing your bedding weekly to benefit your health. According to ehow.com and examiner.com, laundering sheets weekly (in hot, 130-or-more degree water) gets rid of the dead skin cells (fodder for bacteria) and allergy-inducing dust mites that accumulate after a few nights’ sleep. If you or someone in your family is prone to sweating—or if you’ve got Fido cozying up with your in bed—consider washing every couple days to rinse out dirt and pet dander. Don’t ignore your mattress pad either—it’s a good idea to wash it bi-weekly or at least monthly.

Pillows are another consideration. To ensure you’re not resting your head on a big pile of germs—you should be washing your pillows at least every six months. Follow the manufacturer’s instructions when washing them, though generally you should be able to clean them in your home washing machine, and with down ones in particular, it’s a good idea to throw in a couple clean tennis balls while drying which helps keep feathers fluffy. Investing in zippered pillow protectors is also key: they act as a barrier between your pillow and its case (the latter of which should be washed at least weekly) to keep the former nice and sanitary.

Comforters and blankets need proper maintenance as well. Your comforter should we washed monthly (and your duvet weekly). Read the care instructions on the label, since chances are you’re going to need a front loading commercial size washer to accomplish this. Make sure it’s dried properly to avoid mold and fungus from growing. Blankets should also be washed or dry cleaned monthly.

Towels, as we previously discussed, also need TLC—with washcloths and hand towels, in particular (since they’re actually used to wipe off the dirt and oils off your skin), there’s a real risk of spreading staph infections and pinkeye. It's also a good idea because bathrooms are warm, humid breeding grounds for bacteria to begin with. Washing bath towels weekly, and smaller, more frequently used towels even more often that that, is the best way to tackle the germ problem.

Related: How often do you wash your towels?; How often do you change your sheets?; 5 tricks to keep towels soft and fluffy; How to wash down pillows

Sources: ehow.com; globalhealingcenter.org; tips.become.com; ehso.com; healthnewsdigest.com

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How often do you wash your towels?

I recently interviewed an interior designer on the subject of bathroom décor, and when talk turned to the number of towel sets one should have, her take is we should all have at least four sets per person in your household. Which to me seems really excessive. The argument for this number is that it’s good to have sufficient towels so that at any given time you could have one in the hamper, one in the wash, and one hanging on your towel bar (plus a spare for good measure)—which I suppose makes sense if you’re someone who washes your towel after every use. Which I, for one, do not.


This also got me thinking and researching whether or not, from a germs perspective, I ought to be washing my towels more than my usual 5-7 days. According to Discovery Health, bathrooms—which are generally warm and humid—make an excellent breeding ground for bacteria when coupled with the dirt, oils, and dead cells from your skin. Washcloths are especially risky territory, since they’re actually used to cleanse your face and body, making it easier to transfer staph infections, pinkeye, and even mold. So if you’re someone who uses a washcloth, or a hand towel for that matter, you should probably be throwing it in the laundry more frequently than you do your bath towels—at least every three or four days, if not more often. And you’ll probably want to stockpile more of these smaller size towels accordingly.

But in terms of bath towels, the verdict’s still out on whether or not 5-7 days is sufficient. No matter how long you wait to wash, though, you should always try to spread out wet towels on your towel bar as wide as possible, which makes it easier for air to circulate around them so they dry faster. Color-coding linens according to family member is helpful too, since sharing towels ups the chances for bacteria. And be careful not to let wet bath mats fester on the floor for very long either—if possible, hang those up to dry too.

So now it’s your turn: how often do you wash your towels?

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5 tricks to keep towels soft and fluffy

Being enveloped in a soft, plush bath towel after a hot shower is one of life’s little luxuries. The problem, though, is that even the softest, plushest among them tend to stiffen after multiple washings—which is actually a function of the chemical detergents most of us use, which coat fabrics and build up on towels in particular (they’re designed to absorb, after all), and over time, you wind up with that icky scratchy feeling. There are some tricks you can employ, however, to stave off hitting the rough patch. Here’s how, courtesy of howtodothings.com and ehow.com:


Add a bit of white vinegar to your rinse cycle, which strips away past detergent build-up. Vinegar also gets rid of any lingering odors clinging to the fabric.

Wash new towels in hot water with baking soda to remove any lingering residue from the manufacturer.

This is counterintuitive, but don’t use fabric softener.

Throw some clean tennis balls in the dryer—they help fluff as they’re bouncing around your dryer.

Fill the washer halfway with water, add half the amount of detergent you might normally use, and set the machine to agitate before dropping in your towels. This prevents the detergent from soaking into the towels before they’re washed.

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